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The AbsurdistThe Absurdist

Thursday, March 31, 2005
  The "Inter-Net" = public venting post of good and evil

Google: "Carlos D, Interpol, herpes."

O-M-freaking-G.

Mapquest: "Men's Sexual Health Clinic. Anonymous."
 

Tuesday, March 29, 2005
  When they said everyone's blogging now, they really meant everybody freaking blogging

A collection of blogs that really should not have happened:

Terri Schiavo's blog: "Mnnngghhh"

Captain Morgan's blog: Arrgghh, ye drunken matey! Bond with me brand, ye scurvy wenches!

Jeff Gannon's blog: Voice of new media rough trade

Fred Durst's blog: alias 'American Alien', strangely he's switched from blogging to web porn, both equally unsettling and more damaging than being exposed to asbestos.

George W. Bush's blog: not suprisingly, it's a satire. Blogging does require literacy.
 

Sunday, March 27, 2005
  TV watching this Easter eve

I'm watching Julie Stiles in the MTV produced movie, Save the Last Dance. I like to think of this teen epic as a lethal combination of camp, crunk and catharsis. If only Julie Stiles' character when truly ghetto and dropped codeine and breakdance battled in clown face.

I continue to idle my brain on poor WASP girl in the innercity. Damn that girl can ballet good. Mmmhhmmm.

...
 

Wednesday, March 23, 2005
  Billy Idol's ball shaving

It's rather apalling when, hearing this, you too are inspired to shave your nads to avoid the threat of unsightly, grey aging balls.
 

Monday, March 21, 2005
  Early Warning! Persistent Vegatative State

The internet must take on this hott new medical condition: "Persistent Vegatative State." It's the new cutting. CBC news calles it "Awake but not aware." Essentially, it's massive brain damage by which the conscious mind is obliterated.

How to abuse:

Old World: My career is going nowhere.
PVS'ed: My career is in a persistent vegatative state.

Old World: I'm soooo stoned!
PVS'ed: I am willfully in a self inflicted persistent vegatative state.

Old World: I voted for Bush. Again.
PVS'ed: note pinned to shirt reading "I am in a persistent vegatative state."

 

Saturday, March 05, 2005
  Jessica Alba sluts it up

Hot little nymphette actress, Jessica Alba, admits to slutting it up to the UK Sun, granting permission to bloggers worldwide to fabricate fornication fantasies about her wanton ways. Goodness, I'm already there...

ALBA ALBA ALBA ALBA ALBA AAAHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYEEEAAAAAARRGGHHHHHHHHHHHhh..... uhh. uhh... mmmm...

zzzzzzz...
 

Friday, March 04, 2005
  Jeff Gannon- why are you back?

Republican rent boy Jeff Gannon continues to preen like from his comfortable born-again perch on the right side of stupid. What the fuck is this guy doing? Zero credibility and a legacy of internet gay porn really cannot possibly inspire confidence in anyone. Not even one of his Military muscle, cock-sucking johns.

Unless of course he is a liberal seeded Trojan Horse planted to discredit the righteous right. A true Republican would never entertain anything remotely homosexual. Not even Matt Drudge. Especially Matt Drudge. Nor would they every be seduced by the sweet caress of Oxycotin. Not even Rush Limbaugh. Especially Rush Limbaugh. Alleged closet homosexual, child porn lovin' Rush Limbaugh. I think I may be on to something. Wow, I'm smart.
 

Thursday, March 03, 2005
  Open letter to Blogsnob

Dear Purveyors of Blogsnob blog referral software:

I love you. But you have mangled my template for too long. The alignment of my borders and side bar have gone misshapen and I can no longer tolerate you. Thus, it is with great regret that I must banish you from my blog. I banish you Blogsnob. I love your referrals, but bitch you fucked up my template. And to that extent I must de-script you. You are Blogsnobgone.

The Absurdist
 

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