Paris Hilton Perfume Scent Analysis
   Grabbing a rare advanced formulation of the impending 
Paris HIlton perfume, the Absurdist performs a chemical breakdown of the aromatic blend: 
- 6% vodka tonic
- 12% hydrogen peroxide
- 5% lip liner
- 3% human semen (DNA results pending, suspects: Rick Solomon, Deryck Whibley, Nick Carter, Jason Shaw, or Nicole Richie)
- 14% myst-on tanning spray
- 4% cell phone 
- 5% depilatory
- 0.1% Arkansas cow dung
- 50% money