It's official. The stewardess hates me.

If you could possibly see my face, it is frozen in shallow horror- jaw slung
low like a socket sprung appendage, eyes feverish and bulging, throat dry
with anxiety, slight loss of appetite. I am on board a flight from Toronto
to New York, and I official have been banished to the worst seat imaginable.

Centre seat.
Row 25 of a 25 row airplane.
No reclining seat.
Sandwiched between a moridly obese woman oozing body odour and a small
bladdered elderly businessman.
Seated behind a wailing 2 year old child / banshee sirening the ENTIRE
FLIGHT and undisciplined by its French speaking parental units.

To ease my nerves, I'm contemplating mutilating a lavatory smoke detector
and sparking up a socially unacceptable nicotine addiction.

I've always wondered if 'difficult' children could be sedated and left in
cargo hold carrying cages alongside transported pets or livestock.

I really hate the idea of paying for my drinks on flight. I figure, if the
pilot can drink for free, then so should I.

Check for postings if I actually land!
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Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
  ¶ posted by earnest @ Tuesday, June 29, 2004 | |