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The AbsurdistThe Absurdist

Tuesday, July 20, 2004
  Jacko spawns again: The Absurdist gets in-depth and exclusive

The Abusrdist is overjoyed to announce that Michael Jackson is reported to have conceived quadruplets.

In an absurd exclusive, The Memory of Michael Jackson's Original Face talks on his desire to continue his legacy as the virgin sire of countless contracted pregnancies.

The Absurdist: Hello Michael. May I call you Michael?

The Memory of Michael Jackson's Original Face (TMOMJOF): Please call me King of Pop.

The Absurdist: Ummm.. okee-dokey. So tell me about having quadruplets?

TMOMJOF King of Pop: I love children. Children are the future.

The Absurdist: Do you plan to sleep with them?

King of Pop: I sure do. It's quit a bonding experience between parent and child to trust enough to fall asleep together.

The Absurdist: I'll bet. Let's clear up a couple of myths circulating that relate to your desire for more children.

King of Pop: Sure.

The Absurdist: Are you having more children to harvest their noses?

King of Pop: Lies, lies, lies.

The Absurdist: Why not have children the old fashion way, say, like, by having sex with a woman?

King of Pop: Girls are icky. I mean it would be like having sex with my mother. Or LaToya. Or Janet. It's gross. But more importantly, it's like ordering off the internet. I send in a lawyer, a gag order, a cheque and a test tube of "Jesus Milk" and nine months later a stork and baby appear. It's like magic.

The Absurdist: Are you gay?

King of Pop: With four bundles of joy on the way, yeah, I'm very happy.

The Absurdist: Nicely skirted. Have you determined what you will name these children?

King of Pop: If girls, Paris Jackson II to V. If boys, Prince Michael Jackson III to VII. Or any combination thereof.

The Absurdist: Do you plan on dangling them over balconies as well?

King of Pop: Lies, lies, lies. It's not true.

The Absurdist: I loved your earlier work. But I gotta say, your latest stuff kind of sucks. Have you completely lost touch with reality?

King of Pop: Lies, lies, lies. It's not true.

The Absurdist: ???

King of Pop: It's gross.

The Absurdist: Are you.. umm.... here?

As I reach over to touch Michael Jackson, a wig falls off, revealing a chimpanzee in white face, shin pads and a single white sequined glove.

The Absurdist: *GASP* Bubbles! Oh my fuggin' Lord, Michael Jackson is freaking a monkey with a nose job! Come to think of it, you are pretty talented then!

Thinker Absurd

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