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The AbsurdistThe Absurdist

Wednesday, May 04, 2005
  What Katie Holmes is really saying into her cell phone

While the blogosphere goes apeshit over Katie Holmes' Tom Cruise infected mouth rot, The Absurdist has cunningly uncovered fragments of her cell phone conversation now transcribed here. Godbless the Whisper 2000.

"...Tom, about that oral sex..."

"...I don't think anyone will notice- my gawdawful, tacky eyeglasses will surely divert their attention..."

"...and you're sure Scientology will help them go away?"

"...no, no, I totally understand. When you called out "Chris Klein" last night, you were probably just channeling my memory of my ex-boyfriend..."

"...you really think the opening of Batman Begins will be huge?"

"..sure, I still have Chris's phone number..."

"...yeah, ever since I saw you in the overt, homosexuality charged showerscene in Top Gun..."

"...you noticed me when I started dating Chris Klein?"

"...yeah, just tell your publicist to tell my publicist when we should go out on our next date..."

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